Adebunmi’s mother has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Adebunmi currently lives in the United Kingdom and even though she initially travelled home to be with Mama, she couldn’t stay beyond a week, due to work and family commitments with the children. So, she has been restricted to communicating via video calls. Adebunmi is frequently plagued by feelings of guilt, inadequacy and helplessness. She wished she could do more.

Chika’s only brother was recently diagnosed with lung cancer at the age of 35 years. The cancer is already at an advanced stage, and he has been referred to palliative care. Their parents only had two children, and Chika is now the primary caregiver for his brother and his aged parents. It is taking a huge toll on his finances and emotions – as well as an emotional nightmare for their parents.

Halimah was diagnosed with stomach cancer three years ago. Seemingly out of nowhere, she has been shocked by the way she has been abandoned by friends and family – and her husband who simply walked away. She was aware that she may not survive this and she cries nearly every day for her young children.

Cancer is a leading cause of disease burden and death worldwide, accounting for nearly one in every six deaths. Cancer is not just a physical disease; it is also an emotional one for the person with the condition and their caregivers.

The 4th of February is World Cancer Day. The theme this year is “United by Unique”, and it emphasizes the pain, distress, grief, resilience, and healing associated with cancer. At the center of cancer, is the emotional distress experienced by people diagnosed with cancer, and their loved ones. Despite the high level of distress associated with cancer, many people do not know how to support a loved one with cancer, especially when they are in distress.

Tips for Supporting a Loved One with Cancer

1. Create a support system: You cannot be the sole provider and caregiver of a person with cancer. Create a community of people who can help and provide support for you and your loved ones. They can be pivotal in providing emotional support for you and your loved one. If you can afford it, you can employ a caregiver to provide for their physical needs.
2. Start a conversation about mental health: Stigma around emotional wellness is often a major barrier to genuine and vulnerable conversations. Be open about your own feelings and fears, and allow them to share their honest emotions, no matter how distressing. With open sharing comes relief and support.
3. Learn the signs of mental health struggles: Studies show that about 30% of cancer patients may experience cancer-related psychological disorders, including anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. Substance abuse, self-harm, and suicidal ideation are signs of distress that must be addressed before it worsens. Understanding mental health and being observant of signs of emotional distress enables you to identify warning signs early.
4. Create a safety plan: If they have shown signs of distress or attempted suicide in the past, it is crucial to develop a safety plan in collaboration with their doctors and other caregivers. This includes restricting their access to harmful substances and/ or objects, reducing exposure to triggers, and having people regularly check in on them.
5. Connect: Most times, when people are diagnosed with cancer, people begin to treat them differently. Some may even altogether, simply stop showing up….”Oh, because I don’t know what to say”. This isolation and loneliness may cause helplessness. You should ensure to have conversations with them that's independent of their health conditions. This will help them feel included and loved.
6. Ask them what they need: Love and support is best shown in the manner appropriate for each person. Your care should be individual-focused. Ensure you're taking care of them the way they want to be treated, with kindness and love. Ask them what they need regularly in case you are not satisfying any of their needs.
7. Seek professional help: Seek professional help and discuss with their healthcare team if you have concerns, are confused, or don't know what to do. Never hesitate to seek mental healthcare if necessary.

Conclusion

Care and support should always be genuine and intentional. Even if you're unable to be physically available to support your loved ones with cancer, sending them care packages, having regular calls with them, communicating with their caregivers, and providing their needs can be of tremendous support. Love and support know no geographical boundaries. It is also important to take medical advice seriously, and ensure they adhere to treatment. All these will ensure that they get better and have a good quality of life. Cancer is beatable but pay heed to the associated emotional stress that is frequently co-morbid.