Chukwudi relocated to Canada for a PhD with hopes of applying for permanent residency for himself and family so his wife and children can join him from Port Harcourt. His wife and children remained temporarily in Port Harcourt hoping that things would move smoothly within 2 to 3 years so the family can be together again. His stipend as a Doctoral student was barely enough for his needs and he had to start doing odd jobs at weekends and nights to have a little extra to send home to his family. Within months of his arrival, the euphoria faded into persistent tiredness and extreme loneliness – especially as the winter cold and social isolation hit him hard. He missed his dear wife and children but had to be strong to encourage her, as she frequently cried on the phone. But after hanging up, he also cried from sheer exhaustion and frustration.

Adeleke lives in Epe, Lagos, and works in Lekki. He leaves his house at 4.30am to beat the traffic, arrive at work on time for resumption and reduce transport costs. The daily commute and late-night work to meet deliverables has made him socially isolated. He barely has time to meet any of his friends or go for social activities. The week before, he missed a close friend’s wedding because of a work emergency. He is actively searching for better opportunities but hasn’t been successful in his search. He lives alone and only sees his family members and friends during the end of the year break. He is single and his only fun activity is doomscrolling on the internet and playing games on some nights.

Hassan recently lost his parents and only sibling, his beloved sister, in a car accident while they were travelling to visit him and see his new home, following his move from Kano to Abuja. He had planned to also surprise them with an introduction to his fiancee. He feels so guilty and has been inconsolable. He became irritable and withdrawn. He has lost touch with his friends and no longer has time for fun activities. He does not know how to explain his emotional distress to anyone as they always dismiss him and say it’ll be fine. He can’t fathom a life without his beloved family, and he had become emotionally detached from his fiancee. He feels hopelessly lost.

Discussion

Loneliness and social isolation are some of the challenges men have. Loneliness is a subjective gap between the social connection a person wants and the social connections they have. Social isolation occurs when one has few or no social contacts or relationships. Research consistently shows that men have fewer close friendships than women, and that the quality of those friendships is significantly lower. Men’s friendships are often activity-based and thrive on doing things – action filled eg sports. When such physical activities or group activities are no longer possible, friendship bonds slowly dissolve.

Furthermore, cultural expectations and social conditioning have raised boys into men who believe emotional expression and vulnerability is risky and needing people makes you weak. A man's value is often measured by his achievements and ability to provide. This ignores the realities of men who are considered successful by societal standards but are drowning in loneliness.

Male loneliness is often triggered and increased by life transitions such as bereavement, divorce, retirement, becoming a father, relocation, losing a job and/or chronic illness. Chronic loneliness is one of the strongest predictors of depression. Loneliness increases the risk of developing depression, and depression increases withdrawal and isolation, which deepens loneliness. It is also associated with elevated stress hormones and is a risk factor for problematic alcohol and drug use.

Social anxiety can cause loneliness by making connections feel threatening. But loneliness itself can generate and amplify anxiety. Loneliness is also significantly associated with poor sleep quality.

Strategies to Address Loneliness

Focus on quality over quantity: One or two genuinely trusted relationships matter more than a wide social circle. A few friends you can be vulnerable with and fully express yourself to are better than a lot of friends who can’t be there for you when you need them.

Build a sense of meaning and purpose: Individuals with strong personal meaning and purpose are generally more resilient to the effects of loneliness.

Practice self-compassion: Being kind to oneself and understanding that you are worthy of love helps to protect one against chronic loneliness.

Physical activity and movement: Regular physical activity helps to regulate stress and improve mood.

Improve communication skills and be open about your feelings. Share when you are struggling with your loved ones. Don’t suffer in silence.

Don’t withdraw into your shell. Actively seek social activities and engagements that promote interactions and widen your pool of contact.

Vounteer or participate in online positive groups or pages that inspire and uplift your mood.

Avoid negative pages and personalities online.