Adewale and Bukky have been married for barely 5 months when he secured a fully funded PhD scholarship to the USA at an Ivy League institution. The couple were initially euphoric but then it dawned on them that there was going to be an enforced separation for at least a year. Things went very fast from that moment, and he secured his travel visa and was due to resume by the next month.
Bukky soon realized that she was pregnant shortly after he travelled, and they were over the moon. Then came the episodes of morning sickness, nausea, and craving all sorts of odd things.
While they spoke every day, usually late at night in Nigeria because of the 6-hour time difference so he would be done with academics, she still felt very lonely and out of sorts. She really wished they were together for this first pregnancy experience, especially on days when she really felt low and tired and out of sorts. It was hard. She cried herself to sleep sometimes but didn't want to put more pressure on him or get him worried. So, she tried to be brave and not show her distress as much as possible.
Adewale was also helpless and frustrated by the fact that he simply couldn't be there for her. The phone calls felt so inadequate. He was frequently worried sick but tried to put on a bold face of encouragement and cheerfulness for her sake. Unfortunately, the paperwork to get her a visa to come and join him was painstakingly slow and tedious.
Discussion
The world is now a global village and there is increasing migration from the global south to the global north in search of opportunities for studies (such as with Adewale), career opportunities, financial improvement, better health care, and school opportunities for children, etc. These waves of migration come with attendant emotional hurdles and stress. Most times, it comes out of the blues and catches the individuals napping and unprepared.
The commonly accepted and well-researched aspects of migration and mental health focus on those who are uprooted from the comfort of their cultural home environments to a foreign culture and environment. Immediate challenges include adapting to the change in weather conditions, language and accent challenges, learning how to navigate transportation, accommodation, as well as worrying about fitting into the system for healthcare, etc. Many simply trudge on and persevere, with a determination to make it work and succeed, as the alternative option of returning home empty-handed is often not a consideration. They also frequently lack the social support structure of family and friends that they have been used to all their life up until then.
Thus, many migrants struggle with loneliness, anxiety, high stress levels, as well as depression. Others may struggle with drug use habits to help themselves feel better—thus opening a Pandora's box of addiction to battle with. The mental health impact of migration has been proven to be factual, regardless of ethnicity, religion, or level of education. Thus, it does not matter whether you are Nigerian migrating to Canada or you are French but migrating to the USA. The increased risk of mental health challenges holds true for everyone.
One of the benefits of migration is improved earning power and the ability to remit funds back home to support spouses, children, parents, as well as other family members. However, the emotional toll is not just on those who have migrated, as we see with Adewale here, but an often-overlooked aspect is the emotional toll on families left behind—such as on Bukky. She is having to deal with a first pregnancy as well as loneliness, anxiety, and depression all by herself. Yet, this is not often spoken about or considered to be important while planning to Japa.
Children often endure loneliness when parents are abroad and trying to work hard to send money back home to give them a 'better quality of life.' Sometimes parents assume that simply meeting the financial needs of their children is all that is required and that they should be appreciative of their hard work and sacrifice to be able to ensure that the children enjoy a good life. But the children may also be frustrated and resentful of their unavailable parents and the challenges of living with family relatives or staying in boarding school and being without their parents, when they are not orphans.
Families and spouses also go through similar strains following Japa of one partner resulting in separation. The strain may result in irritability, frayed nerves, and frequent misunderstandings which may drive a wedge between them. Unfortunately, physical presence and reconciliation are not on the table. Thus, it may fester and deteriorate over time. It takes tremendous effort at communicating regularly, showing empathy, and mutual support and encouragement to be able to brave the odds and surmount the challenges. These emotional aspects of Japa syndrome should be considered during planning and while experiencing the separation.
Dr. Jibril Abdulmalik
Tribune Article for the column "Your Mental Health & You"
Thursday, 13th February 2025
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